Lock up the women and children! Michael E. Zwanch has official relocated to Wildcat Ridge in Eynon. This has stirred up quite a bit of discomfort amongst the neighbors, specifically Eric Evans, Jeremy Ruby and Mark Gallagher. Clearly this required some investigation.

“With Mikey in the neighborhood, I’m going to have to start bringing my wife to work with me,” said Jeremy Ruby, long time Zwanch friend. “He’s the horniest cock sucker I’ve ever seen in my life. And for all the time he spends talking about my 16 year old sister-in-law…Sometimes I get the feeling that when he’s talking about her he’s secretly thinking about my wife. I’ll never leave her side again!”

Well, at least Mr. Ruby won’t have to make many adjustments to his lifestyle considering he never leaves his wife’s side now.

When asked to comment on his new neighbor, Eric Evans said, “I have two words for you, Jose Jimenez. If he’s willing to do what he did for Mr. Dominican Republic, imagine what he’ll do for Danny Nelson once Danny realizes that his fiancé is a transsexual. Had I known that Mike would one day be my neighbor, I totally would have married a fat slob.”

Mark Gallagher didn’t have a comment on this development but the word on the street is that his wife has massive knockers.

Ruby ended by saying, “The only thing that could have been worse would have been if he brought his ‘Shove your anal beads up my butt’ brother with him.”

Mike’s response to all of this, “Are any of them up for a nuts and bolts party?”